RAW this week starts with Piper’s Pit. Piper says he’s back and so is the Pit. With his is a great actor, Luis Guzman from Boogie Nights and Traffic. Piper goes through tons of people he’s worked with. Luis liked Mr. T. Piper went wild over this. Piper says he knows Luis as a chef. Piper says he flew in the Iron Chef, Bobby Flay. The Bella Twins walk in the Iron Sheik. Luis looks very confused. Piper starts yelling that he wanted the Iron Chef, not the Iron Sheik! Luis shook Sheik’s hand and said something about Hulk Hogan. Sheik went off about being a legend before that jabroni. Sheik went on and on. Piper and Luis talk about Hogan briefly, but Sheik goes crazy screaming again. The Bella Twins come in and stand behind Luis. Then they all yell – Live from New York, It’s Monday Night RAW!
Music and pyro – The new song and video opening is premiered.
Justin announces that this is for the US Championship. Out to the ring, through a tiny little entrance through the fans, comes the Miz. “You suck†chants. He says that he hasn’t said one word and people have chosen to hate him. He thought they loved champions. They love their Yankees! Miz asks if they’re really champions? Miz said they bought their World Series Title. That’s why people all of over the world hate New Yorkers and their sports teams. He’s from Cleveland and… The chants about the Yankees takes over. Miz says he didn’t buy his Championship, he earned it. The Guest Host, the one who can’t tell the Iron Chef from the Iron Sheik tells him he has to defend it. Bring out the challenger. This is what a Champion looks like. He’s the Miz and he’s awesome. Through that same tiny entrance comes MVP to face Miz. It’s so narrow that MVP can easily touch fans on both sides at the same time. MVP went over and gave Sherri Shepherd a hat, kiss and whisper before heading to the ring. She’s ringside screaming her head off for her man.
Miz all over MVP backing him into a corner until the ref pulls him off. Miz back to MVP and whips him but MVP up and over Miz. A couple hip tosses and a slam on Miz. Miz ducks out of the ring to regroup, MVP out after him to finish him, but Miz baseball slides into MVP’s knee as he climbs in. Miz slams MVP’s head into the ring post while the ref counts them out. Finally back in and Miz pins for two. Miz locks on a reclining camel clutch on MVP. MVP up and elbows out. Punches to Miz and then slams him face down. Clotheslines and back elbows on Miz. Face buster on Miz. MVP hits ballin’ on Miz while the fans go wild. Miz gets out of the play maker, but MVP hit’s a big boots and pins for two. MVP into a corner and up with his ankles on Miz’s shoulder, Miz drops MVP, kicking him in the gut and then hitting his SCF for three.
– Winner: The Miz
Sherri is very unhappy about her man’s loss and shows it in the front row.
– Commercial
WWE Slam Of The Week – Chavo faced off with Hatton last week. Hatton won with quite the nasty sounding knockout.
Chavo in the ring. Out to the ring comes Santino in a Ranger’s jersey. He removes it to show a Giants jersey. He removes it show a Nicks jersey. He removes it to show a Jets jersey. He removes it to show a Mets jersey – huge heat. He removes it to show a Phillies jersey – HUGE heat. He removes it to show Yankees! (I’m a born and bred Red Sox fan – born in Boston, raised in Maine, but I will give them their huge props for this.) Chavo applauds and says he’s a Yankees fan.
Chavo goes to shake Santino’s hand, but kicks him in the gut when he does. Eddie’s three amigos on Santino. Chavo climbs, but Santino rolled away. Chavo up in the opposite corner, but Santino rolls away. Chavo up in the first corner, but Santino rolls again. Hornswoggle up on the apron in DX gear doing crotch chops with glow sticks. Santino rolls up Santino for three.
– Winner: Santino
Chavo chased Hornswoggle, but the ref won’t let Chavo under the ring to get the little guy.
DX’s music and all the glow sticks come out through the arena. The fans are wild! HHH and HBK out and throwing glow sticks to the fans. HBK grabs mics and hands one to HHH. The fans are wild! HHH says he can’t hear them! He says this is the most famous arena in the world and the DX Army is in the house! They wanted to come out, have some fun, embarrass a few people, sell some merchandise. But it’s not going to happen. HBK says it’s true. They’re not going to come out and push their book – which he pulls out and talks about it being on sale at WWE shop.com. If these people wanted to buy said book… HBK says there’s a Borders there, so after RAW they can go buy an edition. But for you, it’s free – he threw one out into the lower level for a fan. HHH says Sherri couldn’t afford her own, but has one now – That’s who HBK threw the book to! Sherri held it up and screamed a lot. HHH says they’re not going to talk about that, but they are going to talk about the big fat elephant in the room. Not the Big Show. The other big fat elephant. The one this Sunday, their Triple Threat Match. Between him, HBK and Cena – HUGE heat for Cena when his name’s mentioned. HHH says the Championship will be on the line. They’ve heard Cena say this is the beginning of the end for DX. They will turn on each other and implode. HHH says he doesn’t even know what implode means, but he knows it’s not going to happen. He and HBK are on the same page. They’ll be like they have always been, like a unit. Combined. Not like Jericho and Big Show, they’ve come to terms that only one can be Champion. It doesn’t matter who as long as it comes to DX. HBK asks if they’re going to be a unit. HHH says yes, but in a good way. HBK says it’s not like they won’t compete against each other at SS, they sure will, but the fact is, you cannot tear DX apart. Now that they’re past that he wants to talk about this one member of the leprechaun community. HHH says he knows Hornswoggle is under the ring and they he’s refused to listen to logic. They’ve made threats. He keeps wearing DX merchandise, merchandise he didn’t pay for! But, this is America, and even little people can live their dream. So if Hornswoggle comes out they’ll consider letting him be a member of DX. HBK tells him to come out so they can see how they’ll look as a group – photo ops. Hornswoggle comes out and gets in the ring. He looks thrilled. He drops his glow sticks and chops all over the ring, then poses in front of HBK and HHH. HHH tells him many times to stop. HHH asks if he wants to be part of DX? He does. HHH tells him to act like a big boy and get in line. Hornswoggle jumps in the middle. Before he can get in HHH needs to know one thing… Are you ready? No, New York, are you ready? They line up with Hornswoggle mimicking HHH as he talks – and for Hornswoggle a little man who shows determination can make even the smallest of big dreams come true… But in the middle HHH grabs Hornswoggle for a pedigree and holds him there for quite a bit before hitting the move. The fans are not impressed. HBK says to Hornswoggle that if you’re not down with that, we have two words for you… The fans gave them a loud “Suck it!†Even after they dropped Hornswoggle. Then a little backboard with DX on it. HBK with Hornswoggle’s hands, HHH with his feet and they put him on the board. They carry Hornswoggle from the arena that way.
– Commercial
Video of HHH hitting the pedigree on Hornswoggle.
King and Cole talk about how WM was born in MSG. They show a video of the history between WWE and MSG. Some Rock, some REALLY old video, Hogan, HBK, Jeff Hardy, Austin taking Vince down, Mr.T., Savage, Warrior, Liberace, HHH’s return, Cena’s return for the RR, Angle and Eddie when Eddie won by removing his boot, Kane removing his mask, Little Richard, Owen Hart, Piper, Foley, Iron Sheik, Andre, Cena with Big Show up for the AA when Cena beat him, Austin taking out Goldberg on his last night with WWE, HBK, Taker, Flair – but sadly not enough of Vince McMahon Sr.’s WWWF.
Piper’s in his pit. There’s a couple of small pictures of himself with four coconuts stacked between them and a fire extinguisher behind them. He was carrying on running comedic commentary for himself until Jericho comes in looking mighty pissed off. Jericho comments on the things in the Pit. He comments on the giant picture of the Hot Rod. Piper asks if Jericho wants one. Of course he doesn’t! he says there should be a portrait of Jericho there. Just like every other Guest Hosts haven’t conferred with him, asked him questions and stuff. Piper pulls tissues from his pocket and blows his nose right in Jericho’s face. Nothing but disrespect. Piper said you wouldn’t want that. But then Piper blew on Jericho’s hair and said it looks like someone sneezed, a Muppet thing going on there. Piper said he has a lot of respect for Jericho and blows his nose again. Piper says he has something special for him. Then Masters is there. He wants to show master’s special talent – the one from when Ozzy and Sharon were on. Piper goes on about the bell of the ball, etc. Then he slaps Jericho on the chest and leaves.
A couple of Black Eyed Peas in the front row.
Split screen – Melina and Fox backstage, heading for the ring.
– Commercial
Judah Friedlander from ‘30 Rock’ comes out to a great schpeal from Justin. He’s the Special Guest Ring Announcer. He is fully in character does a great job introducing the Divas. Melina’s out first in red and black – a new ring outfit with big cut outs on the front of her thighs, but still many of her and Morrison’s favorite symbol on the boobs and bum. Fox comes out in a gold top and matching pants of some strange bubble fabric. She gets right up in Judah’s face and demands he announce her as the next Divas Champion. He tells her, “Sorry babe, can’t do that.†He’s there for two reasons, the first is to watch Melina’s entrance – very nice by the way he tells her. She giggles like a little girl. Secondly to say this match is now a Lumberjill Match, “It’s on!†He’s thrilled as all the Diva’s come out to surround the ring – Mickie, Michelle, Layla, Kelly, Maria, Gail Kim, Beth and Jillian come out to help. Fox yells at Judah the whole time.
Fox right on Melina and tries to throw Melina out, but Fox is the one tossed out. Fox quickly back in the ring making a motion to the girls outside that they were THIS close. Melina rolls up Fox with a schoolboy for two. Melina matrixes out of a clothesline and then chops Fox’s chest. Melina tossed out and the heels beat the hell out of her before sending her back in. Fox grabbed Melina by the hair and sent her flying and slamming face first to the mat. Fox rolls up Melina for two. Melina slams Fox into a corner and then a one armed flapjack followed by a clothesline. (McCool ringside seems to be very vacant and not really paying much attention on and off through the match.) Melina whipped but gets both feet up. Fox hit’s a tilt-a-whirl back breaker on Melina for two. Melina hits her new sick flipping finisher for three.
– Winner: Melina
Judah announces Melina still Champion, but McCool rushes the ring and attacks Melina from behind. Jillian is right behind her and they all start fighting in the ring. McCool is left hanging by one leg before falling to the floor. Team Mickie James is left standing and posing in the ring with Judah. They stands around him posing, laughing and clapping. Then arms all around, with Judah in the middle.
– Commercial
Cole talks about how USA signed to keep RAW on TV through 2014. He looks like he’s about to climb out of his skin with excitement.
Justin announces Piper with the best intro ever! Piper comes out to huge pop, looking fairly healthy and not at all dead. He’s really pumped up. He says it’s very cool, very cool indeed. “Roddy†chants. He says, “I love you too.†he said walk out MSG to an ovation every time is because of you. The camera is right there in his face and he says, “Hi!†and waves. He seems either a little painkiller up or as if he’s been nipping at the drink a bit – like he used to seem. Earlier in the show he seemed more lucid. He says things have changed. The Piper asks the camera man if he’s going to stand in his face all night? Piper then threatened to kick him in the slats. (I always wondered who I got that phrase from!) Camera man backed up a bit. Piper said he made his career not being too nice, but only New Yorkers would put up with that. Here, in this ring! He’s a New York orphan child, had his first two kids right there. Didn’t do everything right. Had some embarrassing moments. Right there in that ring he embarrassed Cindy Lauper. She did a pretty good job embarrassing herself, she bops, he bops, everybody bops. He took on the biggest legends here in this ring. Captain Lou Albano – huge pop. Bruno Sammartino – more pop. Andre The Giant – HUGE pop. Hulk Hogan – mixed reaction. This is proof, if you mess with Hot Rod you’re either going to be bald or dead. He said he went there because they know he loves them. He loves them all. Mostly the dead ones, no so much the bald ones. “I’m the reason Hulk Hogan’s got no hair!†He and the fans love this. He says some things he just can’t help. Lots of fans yelling, “You got it Roddy†and “You’re the man!†He says he gets in so much trouble all the time. “Piper†chants. He’s done some unspeakable things here, and he’s loved every minute of it. He has one more dirty, nasty, rotten job to do before he check out with the rest of them. Know what that is? For you, he wants one more match with Vincent Kennedy McMahon! The fans go bloody wild. He knows that Vincent Kennedy McMahon is a big fan of his because when he did ‘Real Sports’ with Bryant Gumbel he knows Vince was watching because he fired Roddy right here. The fans give huge heat for this. Piper says all his kids said that. He knows Vincent is back there because he has a soft spot for MSG and a hard spot in his wallet from all these people’s money… Vince’s music hits and then Vince struts out in a really ugly pinstriped suit. Piper looks annoyed in the ring. Vince struts and gets in the ring grinning. Piper leans on the ropes and scratches. Vince comments on Piper’s dye job. Vince says the worst thing Piper ever did in MSG was show up tonight. Mother nature hasn’t been kind to Piper. When was his last 100,000 mile check up. Piper still has his toothpick arms, spindly little legs and knobby little knees. And he’s always had that catchers mit face. But the only thing that hasn’t’ withered away is his kilt. Let’s face it, if Vince was to soil his hands with Piper, his forefathers would be ashamed. Piper says there’s so much for Vince to be ashamed of, like that suit that Mr. Gotti bought for him there. That’s a sharp puppy he has going on there, matches the grey in the hair. Vince says at least his hair’s not dyed. Vince has people telling him they hope they look as good as Vince does when they’re his age. He tells them they don’t look as good as he does now! That goes for anybody in the locker room and for everyone he’s ever stepped in the ring with. His own son in law HHH, HBK, Taker, Austin. He’s always looked better than them all and he’s beaten them all. Unless there’s better competition in his future, he’s officially retired from the ring. Piper says that about all the games he’s playing with Vince. He says retired is another word for coward, for backing out of a fight. He’s been in 7,000 car crashes, 30 matches, reverse them around – 7,000 matches, 30 car crashes. Vince says Piper’s mind is just as sane as it’s always been. That’s what Vince needs to be afraid of – he’s not sane! He’s been electrocuted, he’s going down in planes, he’s had cancer. He beat that and cane beat Vince. Let’s make Vince accountable too. To the people who made him a billionaire. He doesn’t want it at a PPV, at a WM. He wants to see if he has the guts tonight. Tell them that he’s not a coward, that he’s retired. Piper will be out later and see if he can really retire Vince. Piper stomps out of the ring. Vince looks pissed in the ring.
Promo for the Thanksgiving RAW where Ventura will be hosting!
– Commercial
Sheamus out to the ring looking surly. Video of Sheamus retiring Noble two weeks ago. Sheamus introduces himself. He says he been on RAW for four weeks and already put one man out of the business. And welcomes anyone who has the guts to join him in the ring. No one comes out, so he leaves the ring and hands over the mic. But then he grabs a crew member by the face and demands to know if this guy has a problem with him. Sheamus throws him down, then picks him up and slides him across the announce table. King’s headset comes off as he goes to check on the crew man. Kick to the side of King’s head. Both King and the other guy are down. “You suck!†chants and he leaves. Refs out to help King and the ring crew guy who was abused. King holds his head while the ref keeps asking King if he can hear him. Video of the attacks by Sheamus. They get King up and help him away, one person on each side. “Jerry†chants. They appear to have the ring crew guy up to, to help him from the ring area.
– Commercial
Matt Striker is at announce with Cole talking about what happened to King. Cole, sounding very down, starts going through the card for Survivor Series. Striker joins him and they go through it all.
Evan Bourne out to the ring. Video of Evan beating Swagger last week because Miz distracted Swagger from ringside. Swagger slowly comes out to face him.
– Commercial
Bear hug from behind on Evan who is on the mat. Evan works his way up and elbows out. A forearm to Evan’s upper back. Swagger with Evan up for a delayed vertical, but Evan knees out and pins Swagger for two. Dropkick sends Swagger into a corner. Evan rushes Swagger but is sent over to the apron. Kick to Swagger’s head and Evan climbs. Evan flies and rides Swagger to the mat for two. Evan runs up a corner and flies, but Swagger catches him and slams him around. Swagger, still holding Evan hits his gut wrench powerbomb for three.
– Winner: Swagger
Video of Swagger winning. Swagger stands over Evan and stares down with his arm raised.
Backstage Piper walks along and tapes up.
– Commercial
Piper’s bagpipes and he’s in the ring in jeans and a Hot Rod t-shirt. Piper calls for a mic. Out to the ring comes Orton. He stalks out very slowly, as per usual. Piper tightens his belt a bit. Orton in and glares at Piper. Orton says he doesn’t know if McMahon is coming out or not. But he does know Piper has a big problem because he’s there. He can’t think of a better way to relieve a little stress than to put Piper down right now. If it’s a fight Piper wants, well… Piper, of mic, says why not. A kick to Piper’s gut. Piper calls time out, but then punches Orton in the face. Orton takes Piper down and stomps the heck out of him. Orton shakes off the punch. Orton stares down at Piper who is trying to get up. Orton backs up for the punt, but then stops it when Kofi’s music hits. Kofi in and all over Orton! Orton flees the ring! Kofi calls Orton back, ready for a fight. Kofi chases Orton into the entrance. Piper follows to play cheerleader, even though he looks a little worn. Orton sent over the barrier and they continue to fight. Orton gains control over Kofi. Kofi fights back and bounces Orton’s head off the barrier. Forearms back and forth between the two. Kofi sent back over the barrier. Orton bounces Kofi’s head off the stairs and then rolls Kofi into the ring. Orton slighshots Kofi up into the bottom rope. Orton backs up to punt Kofi, but Kofi up and takes Orton down. Orton from the ring and Kofi chases again! Kofi on Orton and sends him into the barrier shoulder first. Orton sent over the barrier again. Kofi follows suit. Orton on Kofi but refs finally break them up. They back Orton off, but of course he rushes Kofi again. They pull Orton off Kofi flies through the air onto Orton in a most beautiful move! They continue to fight. Kofi stomps Orton and then pushes a ref down who tries to pull Kofi off. Orton’s head is bounced off a railing and then Orton is sent over the railing into the tech / lighting area. Kofi climbs over and grabs an Anvil case cover and hits Orton in the head with it! (Those are freaking heavy and not easy to pull a punch with like a chair.) Orton’s busted open the hard way! Cameras kept off Orton’s face. Kofi leaves Orton, goes over the railing. Kofi climbs on the railing to fly. The refs grab Kofi’s ankles to pull him down. They get Kofi down and away. The refs get huge heat from the fans – they’re pissed! Kofi breaks away from the refs, runs over and climbs on the railing. He slips at first when he climbs. The ref stalls getting to him so Kofi can climbs. He does his little boom, boom, boom and flies onto Orton. They break through the table Orton’s laid out on. Orton keeps his face away from the camera to avoid the blood being shown. Kofi then poses back up on the railing over Orton as the fans go WILD!
– Commercial
Cena is backstage facing the camera. He says New York. Home of the world’s most famous arena. The place that makes WWE history. Tonight, in the same match, Jeri-Show will face, DX and they’ll face Cena and Taker. Taker seems like an awesome choice for a partner, then you realize he’s very difficult to talk to. He’s starting to believe Taker’s actually dead. His judgment was cloudy. How can one man stand a chance against two first ballot Hall Of Famers. Cena in an handicap match against DX? Someone tries to hand Cena something, some backstage guy. Cena says he’s a fighting Champion, but then demands to know what this guy wants. The guy hands him a piece of paper. Cena asks where he got this. He asks if it real, good? He doesn’t believe him. But then says it changes everything. Cena shrugs, looks around and says he’s made a mistake. It’s not a Handicap Match, it’s a Triple Threat Match. HBK versus Cena versus HHH. No Frisbee golf with the DVS, no glow stick party, but if HHH and HBK want to ask him the question ‘are you ready?’ he’s going to say yes! It’s time to face facts. The ring has four corners, the Ghostbusters once save this city from a giant marshmallow man. He knows what he’s up against at SS, they have to make a choice. He hopes they stay friends as they will need it Monday afterward once they realize the champ is here.
Jeri-Show out to the ring. Jericho dodges and avoids being touched by the fans reaching down, Big Show walks right through ignoring them all.
– Commercial
Another promo for Ventura hosting next week.
DX out to the ring. They pose in the ring, crotch chops with their in ring pyro. Cena’s music and there’s some pop and a lot of heat for him. The lights go down and the fans go wild! Out come the druids between the very narrow barriers holding the fans back – they got very close to fans with fire. Huge “Undertaker†chants. GONG! Tiny little entrance, but they have to go all out because it’s MSG. Taker comes out very slow motion for the fans to soak up his normal long entrance. Big Show is shadow boxing to loosen up as Taker comes out to the ring. He raises the lights and then slowly gets into the ring with everyone stares at him, especially DX in the ring. Off comes the coat and then the hat. Everyone else gets in the ring to start this.
Cena, HBK and Jericho in. Cena pushes off Jericho and then pushes off HBK. Big Show tags in and asks if HBK wants some too. HHH tags in. Taker then tags in. They all stare off, but it ends up Taker and HHH nose to nose. They stare off as Big Show backs off. They keep staring, then turn and look at Big Show who’s smile drops. Taker and HHH look at each other again and then attack Big Show together. Punches and then a face buster from HHH and Taker clotheslines Big Show from the ring. Then Taker clotheslines HHH to the mat. Punches to HHH in a corner. HHH shows their communication in the ring as they should never do, then Taker punches HHH one more time to drop him. Spine buster on Taker and Cole calls it ‘vintage HHH’. HBK reaches out a hand and tags in. they face off for the first time since WM. HBK ducks and chops away. HBK over the top but skins the cat in a move Cole calls ‘classic Michaels’. HBK up on Taker’s shoulder when he’s back up on the top of the rope, but wiggles out. Big Show spears Taker. Big Show clotheslines HBK. Jericho tags in and acts all big. Bulldog on HBK. HBK gets his knees up to block Jericho’s lionsault. Jericho locks on the walls, but Taker grabs Jericho around the neck. Before Taker can chokeslam Jericho, Cena takes a blind tag and is in with punches to Jericho. Jericho whipped and then Cena hit’s a running bulldog on him. Taker glares at Cena. HBK up and chops Cena. HHH tags in and punches the heck out of Jericho, but then pushes Jericho into Cena who hits a side slam on him. Cena and HHH stare off in the center of the ring. Cena waves his hand in front of his face. HHH crotch chops at Cena and then starts to throw punches. They exchange, but then Big Show in and double chokeslams them to the mat. Taker in without a tag, but punching the heck out of Big Show. Flying clothesline to Big Show and then Taker sends Big Show out through the ropes. Taker out after Big Show. Taker starts to send Big Show into the barrier but Big Show reverses it and Taker is the one who hit’s the barrier hard. In the ring Jericho pins Cena for two. HHH is still on the mat and HBK is begging for a tag. HHH crawls over. Jericho grabs HHH’s foot to stop the tag, but he dives and reaches HBK. HBK in and on Jericho with chops. Flying forearms on Jericho, then inverted atomic drop. Scoop slam on Jericho and HBK climbs. HHH does the famous DX point from his opposite corner as HBK flies in his elbow drop on Jericho. HBK tunes up the band. Cena ducks the sweet chin music and takes HBK down with a flying shoulder block and then another. Cena gets HBK up and slams him to the mat. Five knuckle shuffle on HBK. HBK up for the AA, but HHH gets the blind tag! HHH on Cena. High knee to Cena’s face! Cena telegraphs into a face buster. HHH punches Jericho down to the mat. Jericho rolls out of the ring. Spinebuster on Cena. HHH sets Cena up for the pedigree, but Big Show rolls into the ring. Head butt on HHH but then sweet chin music on Big Show. Jericho hit’s a code breaker on HBK. Taker in and chokeslams Jericho. HHH to his feet and chokeslams Taker to the floor. He lands on his feet easily and stares up at HHH. Cena gets HHH up and hits the AA for three.
– Winners: Cena & Taker
As Justin announces them the winners, Taker into the ring. Taker grabs Cena and hit’s a tombstone on him! Taker flips his hair back and stares around at the fans before grabbing his belt and posing over Cena’s body. The lights go blue for the Deadman!
Biggest pop
DX
Taker
Kofi
Piper
Biggest heat
Orton
Jeri-Show
Sheamus – after attacking King
Most mixed
Cena
Hogan
, that he checked himself into a drug rehabilitation facility last year as a result of a persistent issue with prescription pain medication