Impact Wrestling traveled back to the early 1980s on AXS TV this week. The promotion took a break from building to the Hard to Kill PPV on January 12th to present a throwback old-school show.
It wasn’t even Impact Wrestling which presented this show, it was actually the Impact Provincial Wrestling Federation. Not only was there a throwback look and feel to the show, but the wrestlers all also adopted 80s themed gimmicks as well.
Here are 9 takeaways from Impact Wrestling 11/26:
Downtown Daddy Brown Sends Julian Cumberbun Out Of The Territory
- IPWF TV Championship
Loser Leaves Town
Downtown Daddy Brown defeated Julian Cumberbun (c) – New Champion
IPWF TV champion Julian Cumberbun was accompanied by Sonny Sanders, the tennis racket-wielding manager known for making controversial statements (and also seemed to bear a resemblance to Sami Callihan) for this match. Cumberbun would try every devious tactic in the book during this match, even attempting to flee the match by pretending to be a member of the crowd watching the show.
Despite the interference from Sanders and Cumberbun’s tactics, Brown was able to roll up his opponent to not only win the title but send his rival out of the territory. The babyfaces from IPWF would hoist Downtown Daddy Brown on their shoulders to end the show.
The Rough Riders Cut Promo, Win Big, Party At The Marriott
- The Rough Riders (Blanche Ardmore, Mildred Moore, Georgia Cobb & Lady Bird Johnston) defeated Ray Strack, Tim Burr, Jim Nasium & Bill Ding
These jet-flying, kiss-stealing, aviator-shade wearing badasses love to kick ass and party at the Marriott. Before their 8-person tag match this week, the Rough Riders cut a promo which likely made most viewers hope it’s not the last time they see this intimidating faction.
The Rough Riders did have some tough competition on this night. A foursome of wrestlers who somewhat resembled Josh Alexander and the Rascalz all seemed to have descriptive ring names. Lumberjack Tim Burr, Phys-Ed teacher Jim Nasium, construction worker Bill Ding, and racecar driver Ray Strack provided the opposition for the Rough Riders and all of them were amazingly committed to their gimmicks (some serious laugh out loud stuff). Tim Burr would even break out a move never before seen in this time period in an attempt to gain the advantage on the Riders:
Previously, only single ax handles had been seen in the sport. Despite Tim Burr’s offensive innovation, the Rough Riders would pick up the win before bringing the party back to the Marriott.
Blanche Ardmore (Tessa Blanchard) Invents The DDT
The Double Ax Handle wasn’t the only wrestling move invented during the 8-person tag match this week. Blanche Ardmore, who bears a striking resemblance to Tessa Blanchard, won the match by delivering a new move to Ray Strack.
Color commentator Sexton Hardcastle (Edge’s old independent wrestling name played by Don Callis) noted that the move, which involves the person being dropped on their head, was as dangerous as eating the pesticide DDT or something, and thus we learned how the move got its name.
Johnny Swinger Is Killing The Business
- Johnny Swinger defeated Buck Gunderson
One wrestler who didn’t adopt a new gimmick for this show was Johnny Swinger, who has been stuck in the 80s since debuting with Impact Wrestling. While normally on the show, Swinger is too old school for modern wrestling standards, in the early 80s, he was a flashy innovator whose approach to the business angered those who favored a more old-school approach.
Sexton Hardcastle spent the whole matching ripping Swinger for his new-school approach. When Impact travels back to the current time period, however, Swinger is going to have to deal with an angry Ken Shamrock.
The Evil Soviets Attack After Blindfold Match
- Cowboy Colt McCoy defeated Gama Singh
On a previous not-actually-existent episode of IPWF, Gama Singh burned Cowboy Colt McCoy (Eddie Edwards) with a fireball. As a result, IPWF management booked Singh vs McCoy in a blindfold match this week.
After McCoy would overcome Singh’s attempt to cheat during the match, he won with a neckbreaker. After the match, McCoy was cutting a promo for the working man when he was attacked by Sergei and Bruiser, the evil Soviet Russians.
Muscles McGhee Embarrasses The $300,000 Man
The $300,000 man has so much money that giving away $3000 to anyone who can slam Kongo Kong is mere chump-change to him even if its life-changing money to someone else.
When Kongo Kong attacked Mr. Atlantis, however, Muscles McGhee, the Canadian Strongman, made the save. Cage slammed Kongo Kong and celebrated with the Maple Leaf to end the segment.
Jazzy Fitbody Rejects Hitmaker Sebastian Baker
- Jazzy Fitbody defeated Agnus Beerheart
The popular babyface Jazzy Fitbody used all of her aerobic exercise routines to gain an advantage on her opponent this week. She defeated Agnus Beerheart with a splash from the second rope.
Hitmaker Sebastien Baker wanted Jazzy Fitbody to sign a contract with him after the match. She signed the contract but then quickly hit Baker low and ripped it up. Fitbody then Jazzercised her way to the back to end the segment.
DJ 2 Large Invades The Cock Pit With Captain Joystick and Miss Milehigh
We saw highlights of DJ 2 Large vs Captain Joystick from a previous episode of IPWF. Joystick seemed to have the advantage but DJ 2 Large then seemed to mount a comeback after putting his RUN DMC-styled hat on. After his hat was in place, 2 Large his a “Platinum Discus” lariat for the win.
Following this, DJ 2 Large appeared on an episode of Captain Joystick’s talk show segment, “the Cock Pit.”
Back To Modern Times Next Week
Impact Wrestling is back to modern times next week. Here is what has been booked for the show:
- Brian Cage vs Eddie Edwards
- ODB Returns
- Rob Van Dam speaks
- The Rascalz vs Ace Austin & Reno Scum
Impact Wrestling 11/26 Quick Results:
- Rip Rayzor defeated Rapid Delivery Pete
- The Hard Workers defeated Excessive Force
- Johnny Swinger defeated Buck Gunderson
- Jazzy Fitbody defeated Agnus Beerhart
- The Rough Riders (Blanche Ardmore, Mildred Moore, Georgia Cobb & Lady Bird Johnston) def Ray Strack, Tim Burr, Jim Nasium & Bill Ding
- DJ 2 Large defeated Captain Joystick (Last Week)
- Blindfold Match
Cowboy Colt McCoy defeated Gama Singh - IPWF TV Championship
Loser Leaves Town
Downtown Daddy Brown defeated Julian Cumberbun (c) – New Champion
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