TNA iMPACT! Results: April 5, 2010

Report by Sean Hopkins of Wrestling News World

We get a video recap, hyping the Lethal Lockdown match coming up at the next PPV, and the match last week between AJ Styles and Jeff Jarrett. During the match, Jarrett was distracted by Bischoff, and he fell to a low blow from Styles. This inevitably led to Abyss naming Jeff Jarrett as the next member of ‘Team Hogan’

-Christy Hemme says tonight will be the first ever Knockouts Lockbox Challenge. Apparently it’s elimination style, and very confusing. The winners will recieve either Tara’s spider, a contract for an open match, the need to strip (?), or the TNA Knockouts Title. The Beautiful People are in, Velvet claims that they’re going to win all the good stuff, and Tara’s spider, which they’ll squash. Lacey comes in from the side and says everyone will win when they get to see her parade around in her bra and panties.

-The Opening video hits and we’re ready to start the show.

-The pyro hits and Tenay welcomes us to the show, hyping Wolfe/Pope, Anderson vs. Angle in a ladder match, and of course the hideous sounding ‘Lockbox’ match.

-Hogan’s music hits, and Team Hogan, thus far only comprised of Jeff Jarrett, Abyss, and Hogan, make their way to the ring. Hogan, unsurprisingly, has a mic.

-Mike Tenay begs everyone to call their friends and tell them Impact is live at 8 p.m. tonight.

-In the ring, Hogan says he thinks they have some horsepower behind Team Hogan. He says it’s real cut and dry, and the dirtiest player in the game, Ric Flair, has shown his colors over and over. Hogan says if Flair wants to be a big dog, he needs to beat Team Hogan.

-Abyss says he knows Flair may be a legend, and he’s had some incredible matches, but he’s never dealt with a wrestler like the Monster Abyss. He says that at Lockdown, when they lower the top of the cage, and lock them in with weapons strewn everywhere; then and only then will Flair understand the definition of pain and suffering. He says it makes no difference who the other three members of Team Flair are, because at Lockdown, Abyss, Jarrett, and the rest of Team Hogan are going to kick his ass.

-Flair’s music hits and Chelsea is kind enough to wheel him out to the entrance ramp, with Desmond Wolfe, Sting, and Beer Money Inc. in tow. Flair has a mic. Big ‘Hogan’ chants. Flair says he’s about to speak so he tells the crowd to shut up. He says Hogan and TNA have to be kidding, that’s the team he’s putting forward at Lockdown? Flair says he’s got Wolfe, who runs silent, but runs deep. He’s got BMI, who are badasses. He’s also got Sting, the wrestling Icon, and there’s more history between Sting and Flair than there is in the entire wrestling world. Flair says one more thing, he’s got his hall of fame ring on tonight, because he IS the hall of fame, and in St. Louis, he’s going to shove it down his throat.

-Hogan tells Flair to shut up. He says he feels the power of Team Hogan. Hogan says not to sell them short, because they have a full, powerful team, and Flair will find out when the time is right. Flair says this isn’t political, it’s a popularity contest, and everyone wants to be with Flair. Flair says he’ll come down with his team now, and they’ll find out what they’re all about.

-Team Flair storms the ring, but Jarrett wants to ask a question first. He asks Sting to step into the ring without his bat, and answer one question. He hands his bat off to Wolfe (which is just awesome to see for this old ROH blogger). Jarrett says he’s known Sting for over 20 years, and they’ve had a storied history in TNA. So he has to ask why now has the dark side come out. He hands the mic over to Sting, but Sting won’t take it. Jarrett says he may not deserve an answer, but the people in the Impact Zone do. He asks again, why now? Sting doesn’t answer, so Jarrett slaps him across the face. Sting drops Jarrett with the scorpion death drop, and Flair tells his team to storm the ring. The heels corner Hogan, but Hardy’s music hits, and Jeff Hardy and RVD storm the ring. Hardy and RVD clear the heels, and Desmond Wolfe gets a little extra offense just cause. Tenay speculates that RVD and Hardy are the last two members of Team Hogan (I’m not sure that needed speculation, though).

-Commercial break.

-Back from commercial and we’re right in a match between James Storm and RVD.

-RVD hits a monkey flip, sending Storm across the ring. He goes for the pin but Storm kicks out at two. RVD beats on Storm in the corner, and then hits a springboard single leg dropkick to Storm’s head. RVD pose. RVD tries for a baseball slide, but Storm catches him and launches him into the ringside barricade. Storm climbs back into the ring, but Van Dam starts to fight back. Storm hits a Randy Orton inspired rope assisted DDT and goes for a lax cover, but Rob kicks out at two. Suplex from Storm to RVD. Storm poses for the fans, to big heat, and he tries for a pin, but his stalling allows RVD to kick out at two. Storm locks in a rear chin lock, but RVD fights out quickly with elbows to the ribs, and he rolls up Storm for a quick two. RVD hits his signature step over spin kick, and both men are down. Both men are up at five, and the slug it out in the middle of the ring. RVD gets the upper hand with a series of rights and a big spin kick to the face. RVD hits a big clothesline and he follows it up with rolling thunder, but a pin attempt is only good for a two count. Van Dam tries to pull Storm up, but Storm connects with an enzugiri out of nowhere, and he follows up with the eye of the Storm, but when he pins Van Dam, RVD kicks out at two. RVD is able to hit a big kick to Storm’s head, and a kick to the head, which he immediately follows up with a split legged moonsault. RVD stays down for the pin, and he gets the three count.

–Winner: RVD

-After the match, Storm ambushes RVD and smashes a beer bottle right in his face. The ref calls for help from the back, and Storm smiles. Storm tries to attack Van Dam again, but he’s quickly pulled away. RVD lays in the ring while staff attends to him.

-Commercial break.

-Back from break and we get a recap of James Storm breaking the bottle over Van Dam’s head. Van Dam is in the ring, with a towel over his head, and another nearby covered in blood. Storm gloats, but he’s jumped from behind by Jeff Hardy, who beats Storm into the ring, and then out the other side. Hardy checks on RVD and they both get distracted by Storm, and don’t notice Robert Roode coming in from the other side of the ring. Roode catches Jeff with a spinebuster, and BMI leave with Hardy laying.

-Lauren is backstage with Tara, Love, ODB and Hamada. Tara says she’s pissed because she may win her spider but she might also loose her title. Tara and Love argue and walk off. ODB says she wants the contract, because she’ll go after AJ Styles. Hamada says something in Japanese and everyone’s gone.

-Homicide’s music hits, and apparently it’s time for another victim for Big Rob. Terry’s music hits, and he’s out to defend his title.

-The bell rings, but it doesn’t matter, because Homicide jumps Terry, which also doesn’t matter. Terry shrugs it off and hits a big clothesline before grabbing Homicide by the throat and putting him on the top turnbuckle, taking him off with a big chokeslam. Homicide is able to avoid a kick and get in a couple of chops, but a monkey flip does nothing as Terry stays in place. Terry grabs Homicide and hits a huge delayed press slam. Tenay is still begging the fans to call their friends. Homicide is launched across the ring by a huge hiptoss, but he’s still trying to come back. Homicide fights out of a powerslam, but he eats a big right hand. Homicide comes off the top rope with a cross body, but Terry catches him, hits a big powerslam, and pins him for the three count.

–Winner and STILL TNA Global Champion: Rob Terry

-After the match, Homicide hits Terry with a chair to the back, and then the head. Terry no sells, and hits a huge spinebuster on Homicide. For no reason, Orlando Jordan is at the top of the ramp, and he’s got something all over his chest and lips, it looks like melted ice cream or something. And I’m really disappointed that I just had to type anything about Orlando Jordan. Hopefully it’ll never happen again.

-Commercial break.

-Angelina Love is shown getting ready and stretching backstage for the horribly-named, and for-no-reason-at-all incredibly confusing, Lockbox match.

-Commercial break.

-Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky are shown warming up backstage, and Lacey walks in with lingerie, that she’s apparently going to wear, even though the match is next?

-ODB, Hamada, Love and Tara are on their way to the ring, and Tara and Love still look mad at each other. The Beautiful People, and Daffney are announced next, and basically the way this match works, every time there’s a fall, both women are out of the match. The one who gets the pin, gets a key for a lock box. The one who loses, just goes away. At the end, they’ll open the boxes.

-Love and Rayne start things out, but Tara is right in, with a tag. Rayne fights off Tara and hits a kick to the head, before wrapping her legs around Tara’s head and slamming it into the mat repeatedly. Rayne goes up to the top, but she’s caught by Tara who pins her, and gets the three.

–Winner of the first key: Tara. Daffney and Love are in, and we go to break.

-Commercial break.

-Back from break, and we’re down to four competitors as during the break; Winner of the second key: Daffney with a pin on Hamada. ODB and Sky are fighting it out, and ODB hits a big splash in the corner, following it up with an even bigger shoulder block. ODB catches Love when she tries for a cross body, and ODB connects with a fall away slam instead. ODB tries for a pin, but Sky kicks out at two. Sky is able to connect with a DDT, and she pins ODB, getting the three count. Winner of the third key: Velvet Sky. Love is in with a big clothesline to Lacey von Erick, and she charges her in the corner, but walks right into a big boot from Von Erich. Lacey tries for a moonsault elbow, but she misses. Angelina Love hits the lights out, and she pins Lacey, getting the three count. Winner of the fourth and final key: Angelina Love.

-The four Lockboxes are shown, and apparently they will be opened later on in the show.

-Angle/Anderson Ladder match is up next. A video package is shown hyping the bout and showcasing just a bit of the history between these two men.

-Anderson’s music hits, and he’s on his way to the ring. Angle’s music hits and he gets a big pop on the way to the ring.

-The winner of this match, will climb the ladder and grab the key that will open the door to the cage that these two men will face off in at Lockdown.

-Commercial break.

-Back from break and the match has started, as Anderson has attacked Angle.

-Commercial break.

-Back from break again and the bell rings for some reason. Anderson hits the standing Green Bay plunge, and he goes out to the entrance ramp to grab a ladder. Anderson brings the ladder back to the ring, and he gets back in himself, going right after Angle. Angle fights back, but it’s not enough, as Anderson hits a snap suplex onto the ladder, that’s propped up on the ropes. Anderson looks to set up the ladder, but changes his mind and puts the ladder in the corner instead. Anderson tries for something, but Angle reverses it, and hits an overhead belly to belly suplex that launches Anderson into the ladder. Angle sets up the ladder under the key, and he goes back to work on Anderson. Anderson tries to send Angle into the ladder with an Irish whip, but Angle ducks it. On his way back, Anderson slams the ladder into Angle’s face. Anderson climbs the ladder and gets his hand on the key, but Angle catches him and hits an Angle slam to send Anderson to the mat. Angle kicks Anderson out of the ring and to the floor, turning his attention to the ladder. Kurt starts to climb the ladder, but Anderson is there, and he pushes Angle over the top rope and out to the floor. It’s a pretty sickening fall. Anderson sets up the ladder, and somehow, Angle is climbing up to the apron and back into the ring. Anderson is almost all the way up the ladder. Anderson gets his hands on the key, but Angle is there out of nowhere with a MISSILE DROPKICK from the top rope to take the ladder out from under Anderson. Angle hits a big overhead German suplex, and he goes back to grab the ladder. Angle lays the ladder down, and puts Anderson on top of it. Angle hits Anderson with a series of big right hands, and he climbs to the top turnbuckle, launching himself off with a huge moonsault. Angle grabs Anderson off the ladder and he sends him shoulder first into the steel ring post. Angle sets up the ladder underneath the key, and Anderson has spotted Angle’s medal. Anderson comes up behind Angle, and he pulls him down from the ladder, using it to wrap around Angle’s neck and choke him out. Angle climbs the ladder anyways, with Anderson on his back, he even gets his fingers on the key, but he loses his grip, and eventually falls to the mat. Anderson climbs the ladder, and grabs the key, bringing it down and winning the match.

–Winner: Mr. Anderson

-After the match, Anderson brings down his mic and says he’s got a bottle of bubbly in the back to celebrate. Not tonight, but his victory at Lockdown, because that’s what he’s secured tonight. And the only person he’ll be partying with, is Mr. Anderson.

-JB is backstage with Hulk Hogan, and he asks how Hogan feels about Bischoff’s actions last week. Hogan says what happens between he and Eric, stays between them. He’s not going to talk about their business in this open forum. JB asks if there’s any reason Bischoff isn’t there. Bubba the Love Sponge is in and he interrupts, and sends JB away.

-Hogan says he doesn’t understand why Bubba is hooked up with the Band. Bubba protests. Hogan says he’s running with the wrong crowd. Bubba says being with Hogan sucked and he’s having fun now.

-Jay Lethal is in from out of nowhere. He says he’s been thinking. The whole Mega Powers thing was all his fault, and he’s got Hogan’s back from now on. Hogan says he needs to have his back. Lethal says he’s going to find the tights with Mega Powers on them. Hogan says to find his too.

-Bubba is shown backstage with Hall, Nash and Waltman, and his worthless self leads the Band to the ring.

-Commercial break.

-Back from break and Tenay and Taz tease the payoff from the Knockouts Lockbox match.

-Christy Hemme is backstage with Matt Morgan, who says ‘We are the tag team champions’ and that due to an unfortunate accident, his partner will not be returning for a while. Hemme asks who Morgan is going to be naming as his partner. Morgan says you’re looking at them, the World Tag Champions, Matt Morgan. Hemme says they will have to face either the Machine Guns or 3D next week for the straps. Morgan says we will.

-The Machine Guns are out to the ring, and apparently on a TNA show that air overseas, 3D and MCMG’s had a #1 Contenders match and it ended with a double pin. That leads to this match here. 3D is out next.

-Shelley and Bubba start things out with, surprisingly, a little bit of chain wrestling. It doesn’t last long as Ray hits a big forearm to the face. Sabin counters with some kicks to the chest, but Bubba blocks one and hits a big boot. Ray goes for another big boot, but Sabin ducks it and comes back with a springboard cross body. Shelley tags in and we get stereo round kicks from the Guns. Ray hits a big chop and is able to make the tag to D-Von. D-Von comes in and focuses on Shelley’s back with a big suplex and a bear hug. Shelley fights out of it, but D-Von quickly puts him down. Sabin is in and he hits both members of 3D with a forearm. Bubba is in, but both members eat a double dropkick from Sabin. Miscommunication leads to Bubba hitting a clothesline on D-Von. The Guns use the distraction as an opportunity to hit a double team neckbreaker on D-Von, but it’s not enough to keep him down for three. A double clothesline from Ray takes out both of the Guns, and 3D hits the What’s up head butt on Sabin. Bubba calls for the tables, and D-Von goes out under the ring. The Band is in from out of nowhere and they blindside D-Von. Nash drops Bubbs with a set of brass knuckles.

-Back in the ring, syxx-Pac his an X-factor Bubba. Hall hits an Outsiders Edge on Sabin. Nash hits a short-arm clothesline on Shelley, and Pac follows it up with rapid fire leg drops. Waltman attempts to use a spraypaint can to write Band on Shelley’s back. Waltman attacks Bubba with the can.

-Commercial break.

-Back from break and Syxx Pac is laid out on the top rope. Bubba the Love Sponge is shown walking out to the ring, and Hall holds the ropes for him as he enters the ring. Nash says he has a message for the Impact Zone and for the world. He says they might not be signing the checks, but they are running the show. Nash says Hogan is worried about Ric Flair, and Bischoff, and that’s the least of his worries. Hogan is looking at his worst nightmare. Nash says they’ve been carrying his ass for 15 years, and Bubba told him what he said, that they’re bad people. Nash says they learned from Hogan. Nash says they run the show, they are the show. He says people may not like him, but he has three people in the ring that like him, and that’s enough for him. Wolfpac music hits, and they all dance and pose in the ring except for Nash.

-JB is backstage with Pope. He asks about his match with Desmond Wolfe tonight. Pope says in St. Louis, he will make history when he lays claim to the TNA World Heavyweight Title. Pope says last week Desmond used Chelsea to get Earl Hebner’s attention, but tonight will be a different story. Pope is interrupted by Wolfe, who says where he’s from, people don’t get second chances. Wolfe says they should be having Desmond vs. AJ at Lockdown, he can pull double duty, he can do it twice in one night. Pope says if Wolfe beats him tonight, he can have his match at Lockdown, but he guarantees that tonight will be a whole new ball game. Pope says he’ll pray for Wolfe before he walks off.

-Commercial break.

-Back from break, and the X Division Champion, Doug Williams, makes his way to the ring. Williams grabs a mic, and he asks for a moment of the crowds time, if they please. He says while he stands in the ring as X Division Champion, he wants to make the point, that the days of acrobats stinking up the division are over and finished. He says those clowns need to go back to the circus where they belong with all the other performing monkeys. Williams says they could go back to wrestling school and learn the art form of technical wrestling of which he is the master. Williams says as he’s the master, he would appreciate being announced by his full name, Douglas Williams, the finest thing in life. Williams says he’s set up a match with Generation Me, and he’s going to teach the crowd a lesson as he beats them one on one.

-Gen Me’s music hits, and Jeremy Buck will be the first man to tak on Williams.

-The bell rings, and Williams immedialy goes to work on Buck’s arm. Jeremy uses his agility, and flippy moves, to hit a moonsault and pin Williams for two. Williams hits a poke to the eye, and a couple of European uppercuts, but he walks into a big boot, and a slingshot face buster that’s good for another two count for Buck. Jeremy goes to the top rope, but Williams avoids him jumping off. Williams connects with the Chaos theory, and Williams gets the three.

-Max is in out of nowhere with a big dropkick and a series of high flying moves that’s good enough to score a two count. Max hits a big chop, and he slams Williams’ head into the turnbuckle, following it up with a running elbow. Max slams Williams and hits a leg drop on Williams that’s good for a two count. Max puts Williams down with another chop, but when he goes to the top, Williams kicks the ropes and Max ends up crotching himself. Williams uses this to his advantage and locks in a guillotine choke, forcing Max to tap.

–Winner: Doug Williams

-Williams refuses to let go of the hold after the match, so Shannon Moore runs out to break things up. Moore beats on Williams for a little while, and he goes into his dumb little book to grab some makeup, but Williams bails. Moore says there’s no place in the X-Division for boring wrestlers like Williams. And if Williams has any guts, he’ll face Moore at the next PPV. Moore says ‘Welcome to Glamrock’, and his music hits.

-Angelina Love is shown backstage admiring her key, and the whole Lockbox deal is hyped again.

-Commercial break.

-Velvet Sky is shown backstage flaunting her key in front of the other Beautiful People. Lacey looks especially pissed about it.

-Commercial break.

-Christy Hemme is backstage with Team 3D. Bubba asks what the hell that was, there was no reason for that. He calls it disrespectful and unethical before calling the Band pricks. Bubba says their paths have never crossed, but they want them in the ring next week for the very first time. D-Von says that the Band has been a cancer in every organization they’ve worked for, and next week, they’re going to have to answer to the Team 3D.

-Desmond Wolfe is already in the ring and gets minimal music before Pope’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring to a nice pop from the Impact Zone.

-Wolfe tries to attack Pope on the ramp, but Pope battles back with a series of forearms, before sending Wolfe over the top rope and back into the ring. Pope takes off his jacket and gets into the ring, but Wolfe kicks him in the shin to stop him. Wolfe hits a European uppercut that hangs Dinero up in the ropes. When Dinero gets back into the ring, Wolfe hits the flying hammerlock to take Pope down. Wolfe puts Pope on the top turnbuckle, and hits a throat chop before trying for the tower of London. Pope fights out, so Wolfe tries for a corner clothesline. Pope dodges and comes back with a quick series of strikes that takes Wolfe down to the mat. Wolfe is back on his feet, and Pope hits a code breaker, which Wolfe sells like a CHAMP. Pope pins Wolfe, and this one is over.

–Winner: D’Angelo Dinero

-After the match, Pope heads up the ramp, but AJ Styles is there out of nowhere to attack Pope. AJ sends Pope back into the ring, where he beats him down some more, and follows it up with a Styles clash. Styles gets into Dinero’s face and talks smack, and Abyss’ music hits. Abyss makes his way down to the ring, and AJ bails out to the floor. Wolfe is in from behind and he attacks Abyss, but he eats a big right hand from Abyss. AJ comes in and hits a chop block to take Abyss down, and he turns back to Dinero. Wolfe is back in the ring with a fire extinguisher, and he uses it to crack Abyss in the head. Wolfe and Styles continue the assault and Tenay goes to say-

-Commercial break.

-Back from break, Taz says that tonight, Team Flair has picked apart Team Hogan in a systematic way. Tenay asks what this means for Team Hogan two weeks out from Lockdown. Taz says he thinks Flair’s team has the advantage. It is now time to reveal the contents of the Lockboxes.

-JB is in the ring, and he runs down the winners of keys from the match earlier. Daffney, Tara, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love. JB says it’s now time to find out what’s inside, and he asks that they bring down the lights. JB says the items have been placed strategically, at random. Velvet Sky is up first. Borash teases all the possible options for Sky, with Sky objecting to the tarantula, and the striptease. Sky opens up the lockbox, and she gets the open contract to face any opponent at any time.

-Tara is the next person to open the lockbox. She’s got the most on the line with her title, and tarantula on the line. And she may not even win, but have to do a striptease. JB asks if Tara is ready. Tara opens her lockbox, and she finds her Tarantula, Poison. Meaning that Tara is no longer the TNA Knockouts Champion.

-JB says it comes down to Angelina Love and Daffney, and one of them will be the Champion, and one will have to perform a striptease. He asks if everyone is ready. Daffney says nothing, Love says yes, the crowd says yes. Both open the lock boxes, and Love is the new Knockouts Champion, and Daffney has to perform a striptease.

-JB says that now Daffney has to perform a striptease, and if it doesn’t happen, she will be fired on the spot. JB says to hit the music, and he sends Daffney to the ring. Daffney walks slowly to the ring with a grimace on her face, and she slowly gets into the ring. Daffney takes off her tiny top hat first, and feigns dancing around with it. She then takes off her dog collar, and bites at it, not looking too happy about the whole process. Daffney barely takes down her shoulder straps, and Lacey Von Erich is out to the ring with the ugly stick. She uses it to beat down Daffney, and takes off a robe to reveal lingerie. Tara and Love are fighting over the title at the top of the ramp, and they get into it, fighting on the entrance ramp. Lacey continues to strip, even while Tara and Love fight into the ring. Sky is at the top of the ramp, she says she has to admit that Lacey turned up the heat in the Impact Zone, but rule #1 of the Beautiful People is that no one person can upstage the other, so next week, she’s cashing in her open contract. Next week it’ll be a leather and lace match for the KO Title between her and Love. Tara and Love are held apart by security while Lacey poses for the camera on the outside to end the show.

-And that is why Impact is where it is.