We are live from Cincinnati, Ohio and your announcers are Jerry ‘Will Kane do anything with Pete Rose tonight’ Lawler and Michael ‘Herb Tarlek is my hero’ Cole.
Michael Cole mentions that the evening is eventful so far. Jerry Lawler mentions that there was a pyro situation where the TitanTron caught on fire. We see the footage of the fire.
It is time for a video package to remind everyone what they saw last week on Raw as the milestone of 1000 episodes of Raw was achieved. (remember that Raw 2000 will take place on September 22, 2031). We end with what Punk did to the Rock.
CM Punk makes his way to the ring. Punk says that Wrestlemania moments are what everyone talks about. They want their Wrestlemania moment. Punk says that he had a Raw moment last week that was bigger than most people’s Wrestlemania moments. Before he explains why he did what he did to the Rock last week, he wants to talk about something else.
The way that Raw 1000 went off the air, he felt uncomfortable. It ended with Jerry Lawler saying “CM Punk has turned his back on the WWE Universe.” Punk looks at Lawler and he goes to the announce table. He puts his title belt on the table and sits down in front of Lawler on the table.
Punk says that he doesn’t get it. He is used to bad overly dramatic hyperbole on commentary but not like that. Punk says that it was Lawler who turned his back on him. Rock was not the WWE Universe. The Rock is one single solitary man. He is a larger than life, extremely charismatic, delusional movie star who showed him an incredible lack of respect.
Rock interrupted him and that is something that no one should do. When he went into his tired shtick with Daniel Bryan, it was like Punk was invisible. When Rock ‘lowers himself’ to talk to Punk, he mentions that he is gifted a title match at the Royal Rumble. Rock acts like he is going to be given the title.
Punk says that he showed Rock some respect because he should have dropped Rock right then and there.
Then at the end of the night, Dwayne does what Dwayne does best. He tries to make the show all about him. Punk says that was when he showed Rock the type of person he is dealing with at Royal Rumble. Punk reminds Jerry that he is the champion.
Punk wonders what the Rock’s response is because we haven’t heard anything. When Dwayne was dealing with John Cena, we couldn’t shut him up.
Punk says that he knows what Dwayne’s silence means. Punk tells Jerry that when it comes to him and his little agenda, Jerry can say what he did or didn’t do to John Cena. The 1000th episode of Raw ended the way that every episode should end. The focus was on the WWE Champion, the best wrestler in the world.
Big Show’s music plays and he comes to the ring and Punk goes into the ring as well.
Punk says that Show is out here to steal the spotlight too.
Show says it isn’t hard to do. He says that the focus was on Punk at the end of Raw 1000, but the end of Raw 1000 was all about him. Show reminds everyone that he is the one who cost John Cena the WWE Title. He made John Cena the first man to cash in the contract and lose. Show says that Punk is the ‘best in the world’ but Show knocked out John Cena and Punk still couldn’t beat him. Punk was in the STF and would have tapped out if Show didn’t do what he did.
The only reason why Punk is still the WWE Champion is because of him. Show says that Cena vowed that he would not win Money in the Bank and Show says that he vowed that Cena would not cash in. Show vows that he will be the next WWE Champion.
Punk says that Show couldn’t beat John Cena at No Way Out and couldn’t get the briefcase at Money in the Bank. It appears that the only person who is winning is him.
John Cena’s music plays and he goes to the ring and he kicks and punches Show. Show pushes Cena away and leaves the ring.
Punk stands in the ring watching John Cena trying to steal the spotlight.
AJ Lee comes out and she says that as her first proclamation as Raw General Manager tonight’s main event will be Big Show versus John Cena. The winner of the match will face CM Punk at SummerSlam for the WWE Championship.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Cole asks Lawler what his thoughts were on CM Punk’s explanation. Cole sends out a Tout Challenge.
Daniel Bryan is walking in the back and he goes to AJ’s office door. He hesitates and then walks away.
Match Number One: Santino Marella versus Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez)
Santino with punches but Del Rio with a clothesline and kicks to Santino. The referee warns Alberto and Santino with punches but Del Rio with a suplex. Del Rio runs Santino into the corner and he kicks Santino in the chest. Del Rio slaps Santino and chokes him in the corner. Del Rio with a kick and Irish whip.
Del Rio runs into the corner and Santino sends Del Rio onto the apron and Santino with a drop kick that sends Del Rio to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Del Rio is working on Santino’s arm. Santino with punches but Del Rio punches back to stop Santino. Del Rio leaps onto Santino’s chest and then he mocks the Cobra. Del Rio kicks Santino in the ribs and shoulder. Del Rio with an arm bar on Santino. Del Rio with a kick to the leg and a side head lock but Santino with a Saito suplex and both men are down.
Santino with punches and then he does the flip but he cannot get up and Del Rio kicks him in the chest. Del Rio with a boot to Santino’s chest. Del Rio goes to the turnbuckles but he misses a double stomp and Del Rio appears to have tweaked his knee. Santino sets for the Cobra but Del Rio was playing mongoose and then Del Rio sends Santino into the ring post and then he applies the cross arm breaker and Santino taps out.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
After the match, Del Rio stands over Santino and he says that he just destroyed the US Champion like nothing. Santino Marella is beneath him. Sheamus is beneath him. All of the people in here are beneath him. If it is not a World Title match, he will not compete. Starting today, he will not compete until SummerSlam.
We go to the hallway and Bryan tries a second time to talk to the Raw General Manager. Daniel cannot summon up the strength to knock on the door and we go to commercial.
We are back and Vickie interrupts Brodus and the Funkettes. She asks them if that is dancing and she calls it a disgrace. She tells the little girls to step aside so the Queen Diva can show everyone to put a step on. Vickie calls for her music.
Damien Sandow’s music plays and he has something to say. He begs everyone’s indulgence. Tis Damien Sandow, the intellectual savior of the masses and our martyr. A horrible crime was perpetrated last week against humanity. Damien wants the footage to be rolled at once. We see what DX did to Damien Sandow.
Damien sees Brodus laughing and he attacks Brodus. Sandow clips Clay and punches him. Sandow with knees to Clay’s head and he continues the attack with punches and kicks. Sandow whips Clay with his tear away pants and then he breaks Brodus’ gold chain.
Michael Cole mentions that Dolph Ziggler and Chris Jericho will be involved in a tag match later tonight. We see footage from way back at Raw 999 when Dolph Ziggler inquired of Chris Jericho’s current status only to see Jericho hit the Codebreaker.
We then see what Chris Jericho did to Dolph Ziggler on last week’s Smackdown (not even close to 1000) and the Brogue Kick from Sheamus and Codebreaker from Chris Jericho.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Daniel Bryan finally enters AJ’s office. AJ says that she is glad to see him. Bryan wants to know if AJ is insane but AJ tells Daniel to shut up and she reminds him that she is his boss. There were a few guys in white coats last week. They looked like they were from a mental hospital. AJ says that she thinks Daniel was going to marry her to get her committed.
Daniel says that he is committed to AJ. They were friends of his and they were wearing white because he was wearing white.
AJ says that she is putting Daniel in a match against one of his favorite opponents, Sheamus. Daniel asks if it is for the title and AJ says no. She repeats NO and Daniel leaves.
In case you missed the Brock Lesnar and Triple H confrontation from last week, we have highlights.
Michael Cole reminds us that Daniel Bryan will face Sheamus. The fans get to choose the stipulation. Will it be a No Holds Barred Match, a Falls Count Anywhere Match, or a Street Fight?
Sheamus is walking in the back and Josh Mathews asks Sheamus what type of match he wants. Sheamus likes that the decision is in the hands of the fans. Sheamus says that his face won’t win any beauty pageants so the rougher the better.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Daniel Bryan tells everyone to stop chanting yes. Daniel says that he is the only person who can chant ‘YES’. Daniel wants everyone to stop while he yells ‘NO’.
Jerry Lawler lets us know the stipulation and it is going to be a Street Fight.
Match Number Two: Sheamus versus Daniel Bryan in a Street Fight
Bryan with a running knee to Sheamus followed by kicks of Yes around the ring. Sheamus with forearms to Bryan followed by a punch to the midsection. Sheamus with an Irish whip and Bryan flips over Sheamus. Sheamus with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker to Bryan followed by knees to the head in the corner.
Sheamus with an Irish whip but Bryan with a drop kick to the knee and Sheamus goes into the turnbuckles. Bryan with a knee to the back of the head and then he works on the wrist and hand. Sheamus and Bryan exchange punches and kicks. Sheamus with a back elbow. Sheamus with a series of knee drops for a near fall.
Bryan falls to the floor and Sheamus follows after him. Sheamus sends Bryan into the ringside barrier. Sheamus sends Bryan into the ringside barrier again. Bryan with a kick but he charges at Sheamus and Sheamus with a back body drop onto the ramp.
Sheamus sends Bryan into the logo on the stage. Bryan with a drop kick to the knee followed by kicks of Yes to the chest against the edge of the stage. Bryan with a running drop kick and Sheamus gets sent to the floor and Sheamus is limping. Bryan with a knee off the stage and we go to commercial.
We are back and they have returned to the ring and Bryan with an arm bar. Sheamus with forearms but Bryan with a kick and a drop kick that sends Sheamus to the floor. Bryan goes to the apron and tries for a cross body but Sheamus catches Bryan and hits a fallaway slam into the ringside barrier.
Sheamus puts Bryan against the ringside barrier for the forearms of ten. Sheamus suplexes Bryan from the ring announcer and bell pit to the ringside area. Sheamus sends Bryan back into the ring and he gets a chair and kendo stick and sends them into the ring. Bryan grabs them and throws them to the floor.
Bryan is clotheslined over the top rope to the floor right next to the cane and chair. Sheamus goes to the apron and Bryan hits Sheamus in the leg with the kendo stick. Bryan with a series of kendo stick shots to Sheamus. Bryan gets the chair from the floor and he puts it in the corner between the top and middle rope.
Sheamus blocks a kendo stick shot and he connects with a head butt. Sheamus swings for the fenses and then Bryan with a drop kick that sends Sheamus’ head into the chair. Bryan gets a near fall on Sheamus.
Bryan grabs the chair but Sheamus with a running shoulder tackle to knock the chair out of his hands. Sheamus hits Bryan with the chair and then he picks up the ring steps and moves them out of the way. Sheamus tries to use the steps but Bryan escapes. Bryan sends Sheamus into the ring post and both men are down.
Bryan picks up the steps and puts them into the ring. Bryan with a hard Irish whip into the ringside barrier and then he sends Sheamus into the ring. Sheamus grabs the kendo stick and it is time for a tug of war. Sheamus picks up Bryan and climbs onto the steps for White Noise but Bryan escapes. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick that sends Bryan onto the steps and Sheamus gets the three count.
Winner: Sheamus
We take a look back at what CM Punk said about Dwayne during ‘Story Time with Jerry’ at the start of Raw.
We are back and Daniel Bryan says that he is not leaving the ring until he gets a doctor. Bryan screams NO and that allows us to see what Punk said earlier tonight.
Daniel Bryan is still in the ring and he refuses to leave the ring.
Kofi Kingston’s music plays and he is joined by R Truth and Little Jimmy. Kofi says that he knows that Daniel is having a bad day and a few bad weeks. Kofi tells Bryan to get out of the ring.
Truth tells Bryan that there is no place for him and he needs to skedaddle. Truth says that him, Kofi, and Little Jimmy have some business to take care of.
Bryan asks where Little Jimmy is and he introduces himself to Daniel Bryan. Daniel kicks Little Jimmy over the top rope to the floor and Truth checks on him.
Bryan says that Truth is consoling an invisible child and they wonder what is wrong with him. Bryan says that Truth is out of his mind and he does not belong here.
Daniel’s wedding party comes out and they are here to take Truth away.
AJ’s music plays and she comes out. She tells them that Truth isn’t the person who needs the help. The little guy in the ring needs the help. She tells Daniel that he seems a bit mentally unstable tonight. AJ says that in the interest of a safe working environment, Daniel needs to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we will find out on Friday night who the new Smackdown General Manager will be.
R Truth brings Little Jimmy to a chair at ringside as the ‘sane’ people talk to an invisible person.
Who wants some Touts?
Abraham Washington comes out and he introduces everyone to the future WWE Tag Team Champions, Darren Young and Titus O’Neil.
Match Number Three: Titus O’Neil (with Darren Young, Abraham Washington, and a live mic) versus Kofi Kingston (with R Truth and Little Jimmy)
Titus with a forearm and Irish whip but Kofi with boots to Titus. Kofi tries for a cross body but Titus catches Kofi and hits a back breaker. Titus barks while Abe talks over the action. Titus sends Kofi into the corner but Kofi with punches. Titus with a slam and he gets a near fall. Titus with a rear chin lock.
Kofi with punches but Titus with a forearm to the back. Titus holds on to Kofi but he waits too long and Kofi with a DDT and both men are down. Kofi with chops and a drop kick but Titus stays on his feet. Kofi with the Superman punch followed the Boom Drop. Darren gets on theapron and Truth takes care of him.
Abe throws his shoe at Kofi and Abe runs away. Kofi turns around and gets hit with Clash of the Titus for the three count.
Winner: Titus O’Neil
CM Punk is in the back and he tells Cena to watch the tapes. He might have taken advantage of Big Show’s involvement but with the title on the line, anything would have been done. Punk says that some say that they should have done more than stand and watch what Show did to Cena. Punk says that he likes Cena and he doesn’t wish either of them luck in their match later tonight because he doesn’t care who wins.
Punk says that Cena is angry because Punk did in one night to Rock what Cena couldn’t do in a year.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Michael Cole apologizes for what Abraham Washington said during the O’Neil/Kingston match.
We then see what Punk said to Cena before the commercial break.
We go to the ring and Heath Slater has a mic. First we see what happened to Heath on Raw 1000.
Slater says that now that the legends have finally went back to the retirement home, he can get his career back on track. Slater says that he is here to challenge any current WWE Superstar to come out and lose to the One Man Band.
Match Number Four: Heath Slater versus Randy Orton
Slater with punches and he sends Orton into the corner. Slater with punches and the referee pulls Slater out of the corner. Orton with a clothesline or two. Slater misses a clothesline and that means it is power slam time. Orton looks around and sends Slater to the apron for an IEDDT. Orton looks around and makes sure not to stare where Sheamus does for the Brogue Kick and it is RKO time and he gets the three count.
Winner: Randy Orton
Daniel Bryan is in the back and he says that his neck is killing him. He doesn’t need to go through this examination.
Bryan is asked what his name is, if he is from Aberdeen, Washington, if he is a former World Champion, if he is a vegan, and if he did not get married last week.
Bryan answers yes to all of the questions and he cannot stop saying ‘YES’.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Five: Chris Jericho and Christian versus Miz and Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero)
Dolph and Christian start things off but Christian wants Miz to start. They lock up and Ziggler with a waist lock take down and the he struts because he is impressed with himself. Christian with a slap and flapjack for a near fall. Ziggler with elbows to the head and Miz tags in. Christian takes Miz down and punches him. Miz tags Ziggler back in.
They lock up and Jericho tags in and Ziggler tags Miz back in. Jericho with a hip toss to Miz followed by a clothesline. Jericho slams Miz and hits an elbow drop for a near fall. Jericho with a chop to Miz and then he chops him again in the corner. Jericho with an Irish whip and he runs into a boot from Miz. Miz kicks Jericho and sends him into the turnbuckles. Ziggler tags in and he punches Jericho. Jericho with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Ziggler sends Jericho over the top rope but he goes to the apron and up top for a chop to the head. Jericho clotheslines Ziggler over the top rope. Miz is sent to the floor and Christian with a cross body from the top and we go to commercial.
We are back and Miz with a reverse chin lock. We see footage from the commercial break when Vickie distracted Jericho long enough to allow Ziggler to knock him off the apron. Miz with a clothesline for a near fall. Miz returns to the reverse chin lock. Jericho with a belly-to-back suplex and he gets out of the chin lock.
Christian and Ziggler tag in and Christian with punches and a running forearm. Christian slingshots to the floor and he connects with an uppercut. Christian with a corkscrew back elbow but Ziggler sends Christian into the turnbuckles. Christian with a back heel kick and sunset flip for a near fall.
Christian takes care of Miz and Ziggler but Ziggler with a drop kick and he gets a near fall. Miz tags in and kicks Christian in the head. He chokes Christian in the ropes. Ziggler kicks Christian. Miz gets another near fall. Christian punches Miz but Miz with a knee. Christian sends Miz to the floor and Christian struggles to make it to his corner. Miz pulls Jericho off the apron to prevent Christian from making the tag.
Miz and Ziggler attack Christian while the referee was not looking and then Miz gets a near fall. Ziggler tags back in and he hits a few elbow drops and then he hits a leaping elbow drop for a near fall. Ziggler with a reverse chin lock and he does a headstand to add more pressure. Christian with punches but Ziggler with a neck breaker.
Ziggler kicks Christian and connects with an elbow. Ziggler with shoulders in the corner. Ziggler with kicks and he tries for the Fameasser but Christian with a power bomb and both men are down. Miz and Jericho tag in and Jericho with shoulder tackles. Jericho with a springboard drop kick to Ziggler on the apron. Jericho with a bulldog followed by a Lionsault and he gets a near fall.
Christian with a spear on Ziggler but Miz sends Christian into the ring post. Jericho tries for the Walls of Jericho but Miz powers out and he kicks Jericho in the head. Miz sets for the Skull Crushing Finale but Jericho escapes. Christian with a thumb to the eyes and Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the three count.
Winners: Chris Jericho and Christian
After the match, Ziggler hits Jericho in the back of the head with the briefcase.
We go back to Daniel Bryan’s psychological evaluation. It is time for the Rorschach Test. Daniel sees the inkblots and sees a goat face. He says that he is not a goatface or an oompa loompa. He wants to know if Charlie Sheen put him up to this.
We are back and it is time to see what people are Touting about.
Match Number Six: Tensai (with Sakamoto) versus Tyson Kidd
Kidd with kicks to the leg and Kidd with an enzuigiri. Tensai with a shoulder tackle and splash into the corner. Tensai with a slingshot into the ropes followed by an elbow drop and forearms to the back of the head. Tensai with a nerve hold. Kidd with a spinning back heel kick and he misses a charge into the corner. Kidd with a rollup for a near fall.
Kidd with an enzuigiri from the apron and he goes up top for a blockbuster for a near fall. Kidd with a kick and forearms. Tensai with a choke slam and back senton for the three count.
Winner: Tensai
After the match, Tensai with a short arm clothesline or two. Tensai with elbow drops and he sets for a back breaker. The referee reverses the decision due to Tensai’s post match attack.
Tensai tells Sakamoto to assume the position and Tensai slaps him. Tensai throws Sakamoto to the floor.
The psychiatrist finds Bryan bitter, short tempered, and obsessed with Charlie Sheen. The doctor finds Bryan completely sane.
Bryan says that he knew he was sane.
The lights go red and Kane says that he is Bryan’s anger management therapist.
Kane slams Bryan’s head into the walls and table before leaving.
We are back and in case you missed it last week, or earlier tonight, we see a recap of the reason why Brock Lesnar will be facing Triple H at SummerSlam.
CM Punk makes his way to the announce table to get up close and personal to see who he will be facing at SummerSlam.
Show confronts Punk at the announce table before John Cena makes his way to the ring.
Match Number Seven: John Cena versus Big Show in a Number One Contender Match
Show misses a punch and Cena with punches to Show. Show with a punch to the midsection. Show with a head butt and Irish whip and running butt splash into the corner. Show with a punch to the midsection followed by a head butt. Show with the shhhh chop in the corner. Show with another shhhh chop in the corner.
Show goes for a third shhhh chop but Cena moves and he climbs on Show’s back and tries to choke Show out. Show runs Cena into the turnbuckles. Cena tries for a cross body but Show catches him. Cena returns to the choke.
Show falls to his knees as Cena continues to apply the choke. Show falls to the mat and Cena gets a near fall but Show sends Cena through the ropes when he kicks out and we go to commercial.
We are back and Big Show is in control of the match right now. Cena with punches to Show followed by a kick. Cena tries for a flying shoulder tackle but Cena bounces off Show. Show walks across Cena’s chest. Show with an Irish whip and running back splash and Show has something to say to Punk.
Show tells Punk to polish up his title for him. Show with another Irish whip and he charges into the corner again but Cena gets his boots up and Cena with a bulldog and both men are down. Cena with kicks and punches to Show and Show with a bear hug. Cena with elbows to get out of the bear hug. Cena tries to slam Show but he collapses under Show’s weight and Show gets a near fall.
Show signals for the choke slam and he grabs Cena by the throat. Cena counters with a DDT and both men are down again. Show hits a side slam on a charging Cena. Show gets up first and he goes to the turnbuckles for the elbow drop but Cena moves. Cena with a shoulder tackle followed by a blue thunder bomb. Cena with the five knuckle shuffle but Show with a choke slam and Cena is able to kick out at two.
Show brings Cena back into the ring and then he punches Cena and Cena goes to the floor again. Show tries to send Cena into the ring post but Cena sends Show into the post. Cena charges at Show and Show sends Cena into Punk.
The referee starts his count on Cena but he gets back into the ring in time. Punk is holding his shoulder against the ringside barrier. Show signals for the punch but Cena moves. Cena gets Show up for the FU but Punk attacks Cena and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: CM Punk by disqualification
After the match, Punk kicks Show in the head.
Punk takes the mic and title belt and he goes into the ring where both Cena and Show are down. Punk says that the winner of this contest is . . . nobody.
Punk says that both of them are losers and he drops the mic and leaves the ring. Punk walks to the back and he walks past AJ.
AJ comes out and she says that CM Punk is wrong. They are not losers. They are both winners so we will have a Triple Threat Match at SummerSlam where Punk will face John Cena and Big Show.
Punk tells AJ that he is the champion and she cannot do this. AJ tells Punk that she is the GM. Punk tells her that she is a bad GM and Punk demands respect as we go to credits.